Does Anyone Ever Notice?

Does anyone ever notice that I never really write about myself?

I’ve lost my identity, I don’t know who I am anymore. There’s nothing about me that I think is interesting. I used to be, though. At least I think so. I used to draw and take artsy photos, read books and go on crazy adventures. I don’t even think I remember how to draw. There’s no time to read, my camera roll is filled with photos of my kids.

Does anyone ever notice how much I’ve let myself go?

I used to be well-dressed, my hair was soft and well maintained, I almost never wore it up. I took pride in how skilled I was at doing my makeup. Now it’s truly a rare occurrence if I’m clean. I was in shape, I took my time getting ready for things, I was so pretty. Now I spend all my time getting the kids ready. I have to get all of their stuff together, make sure diapers are changed and that they’re dressed appropriately for the weather. I almost always have my hair in a bun, I rarely wear any makeup, it’s a miracle if I even remember deodorant.

Does anyone ever notice how I shift the focus of conversations from myself?

I’m so uncomfortable talking about me, I will change the subject to B or the kids. I’ll direct a question at Pea hoping she’ll get their attention and take it off of me. I genuinely do not feel like I am worth discussing.

Does anyone ever notice that my sense of humor is mostly gone?

I don’t have anything funny to say, I used to be hilarious. I made it a point to make others laugh. Now it’s a miracle if I even crack a smile.

Does anyone ever notice how badly I am struggling?

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